On Naming One’s Penis

February 22, 2016 by Dr. Geyser

The reproductive potential of the human penis is large compared to the size of man’s sexual organ(s). For men who have not yet fathered a child, this ratio is a source of insecurity, and has led some men to give their penis a name, along with imbuing them with an appropriate personality.


This is a concerning trend for those whose work entails rational discussions of men’s health-related issues. Because men have started talking to their penises again, it is likely to be harder now more than ever to persuade men to adopt healthy lifestyles. For the penis has much to contribute to the world besides ‘healthy lifestyles.’ What better way to heal the world of human illness, than to seek out the best means of sowing a more healthy, powerful, and drug-free future?

Michael & Jello's David

A masterpiece

Given the importance of sexuality in understanding the value systems of living organisms, it is a bit strange that psychologists do not spend more time studying the sexual act itself. Perhaps they overestimate their own personal familiarity with sexual intercourse, since no psychologist has yet invented a means of talking about sex that is distinct from mechanical philosophies, and their superstitious congeners. Bodies must contact one another, before the breach is made.


The challenge is to find an overlap between one’s ethos and one’s career. Solutions to this problem are abundant, if one is not dependent either on the words one uses or the style in which one behaves. Where the ‘nominalistic’ style is adopted, there can be no ethos. The individual is governed by the ethos of others, so long as their ears are tuned to honor a single name.

“Come along now, Little Geyser.”


What works

%d bloggers like this: