Ask Dr. Geyser



CC: Everyone

Hey Jerry,

Please let my patient readers know that they may send their questions to my personal blog-related email address. They should include in subject line, “Q seeking A, RE: Ask Dr. Geyser?” They may also post questions in the comments section on the Ask Dr. Geyser page.


Doctor Geyser

Topics fielded by Dr. Geyser

  • Relationship advice
  • Dick length
  • Other genital insecurities
  • Techniques
  • How to manipulate friends and influential people
  • Odor management
  • The ins and outs of baseball
    • First base
    • Second base
    • Third base
    • Fourth base
    • Pitcher’s mound
    • The outfield
    • The bleachers
  • Duck medicine
  • The anti-depressed state
  • Pretending to like medical school
  • Earning honors in medical school
  • Quitting medical school
  • Smoking cessation
  • Ego-stroking
  • Greek and Roman antiquity
  • Complicated anal lysis (maths; outsourced)
  • What if…

Unanswered questions

Is it normal for a wife to want a sucker every time we go to the bank? Something just doesn’t seem right here.

Does cancer ever metastasize to other people? Like an infection? Cuz I think I may have infected someone, but I am not sure whether to confess to the authorities or not.

What does it mean when someone leaves the hospital with ‘dishonorable discharge’?

What exactly is ‘gratuitous medicine’?


Answered questions

What works

Geysers are inherently unpredictable, so check back often to keep abreast !

Please feel free to leave your comments and questions for Dr. Geyser below. Also, as a legal disclaimer, Dr. Geyser is not a medical doctor. If you want medical advice, ask a doctor, or at least someone who does not mind getting sued (e.g. someone protected by malpractice insurance, or those who practice duck medicine (i.e. those who have learned how to waddle past an erotically blindfolded lady justice without bestirring her in her robes)).

3 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Geyser

  1. SS says:

    Dr. Geyser,

    What exactly is ‘gratuitous medicine’?

    -A Searching Soul

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dr. Geyser says:

    That is an excellent question. Traditional, allopathic medicine is centered upon the opposition between health and disease, where the patient is typically seeking treatment for a disease. Gratuitous medicine, on the other hand, sees health as a value that can be augmented, both for those who are sick as well as for those who are healthy. Those who practice allopathic medicine restrict their scope of practice to those who are ill, and will not generally prescribe medications for non-therapeutic uses. Some drugs used to treat inattentivity in children, for instance, are also useful as cognitive enhancers. Inattentive children are said to have a condition warranting the prescription of psychostimulants, while those who wish to use the same medications for the same purpose, for instance, as a means of proving their attention span with respect to a particular project, event, occupation or way of life, are nevertheless referred to as ‘drug-seekers’ and ‘substance abusers,’ under medicine as well as under law. Gratuitous medicine takes as its founding principle the fact that there are innumerable healths, such that those who impose their own way of life and form of health upon others are understood to be gratuitously unhealthy with respect to those who are healthiest of all.


  3. Yo Yo Mo says:

    In an altered mental state wherein patients answer incorrectly the question, “What year are we in today?”, do they tend to go high or low? For instance, the year is 2017, but I am in a state of delirium or fugue, and the physician asks me, “What year is it?” Will I be more likely to invent a year, say 2042, refer to past years in which I have lived, say 1993, or refer to historical years prior to my birth, say 1856. I realize that this may defer between pathological syndromes. For instance, I expect a patient who is exhibiting signs of Alzheimer’s dementia to refer to prior years in which they have lived, but not to claim that they are themselves Napoleon Bonaparte.



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