Tag Archives: Physics

  1. Indigestible Centers: A Quest for the Other Other’s OPPs

    February 23, 2016 by Dr. Geyser

    OOs = Other Others
    OPPs = Other People’s Problems
    OOOPPs = Other Other’s OPPs

    For further examples of how to use my OPPs, see “Nothing Rhymes with my OPPs.”

    Having trouble finding your center of gravity? First step: make sure you are not having a heart attack, or some other medical emergency. By itself, the hellish burning in your esophagus is probably just a burrito. However, if it is accompanied by shortness of breath, chest pain, dizziness, or hemodynamic collapse, it is time for you to call 911. The word emergency was invented for times like these, so let me be the first to say, “This is an emergency.”

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    If it is not indigestion, and it is not a heart attack, perhaps it is a metaphysical problem. Consider going upon a quest, in the search for Plato’s enema mundi, or world’s suppository. Perhaps you know it by a different name, feeling, or objective association: good, just follow that down to your burning centerpiece. You will need to merge the various centers into one basic concept, hopefully one that is more interesting than self or other. I prefer the diaphragm, but others seem to enjoy meditating upon their beating heart. Either way.

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    If this does not work, consider taking some Pepto-Bismol (the pink stuff) for your heartburn; or, if you are allergic or otherwise medically compromised by the pink stuff, consider drinking down a medium glass of warm or cold milk, poured into a glass cup (no plastic), without cookies or extra cream. For those west of the Mississippi River, make sure you are facing east when you drink the milk. And likewise, for those on the east side of the Mississippi River, make sure you drink the milk while facing west, towards the Pacific Ocean. Those outside of the United States should find a similar geographic feature, like the English Channel, the Danube or the Rhine; the Yellow River, or the Yangtze; the Nile, the Niger, or the Congo; or, if these do not suit you, substitute the equator. Those north of the equator should drink their milk while facing south, while those south of the equator should drink their milk while facing north.

    If this does not work, consider checking in with your physician’s office in the morning, or the emergency room right now. Again, take stock of your symptoms, and save your heart.

    If you are absolutely sure that what you are suffering from is not a material, or at least not a medical, illness, consider this final suggestion: follow my blog, along with three others that have affected you in a similarly positive, negative, or neutral fashion. If your center still seems to be misplaced, consider reblogging one post from each of your four newly made acquaintances. For in doing this, you will have approximated the location of the world’s soul with the motion of your hands, somewhere between the pads of your fingers, in a place that you, and only you, now know.

    What works

    Figure. Screenshot of clinical effectiveness, courtesy of PubMed Health, and That Guy.

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    Think about it.

    Yours,
    Frank

  2. Chamber bot medicine: A gunner’s poetry

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    September 26, 2015 by Dr. Geyser

    Honorable medical students leave behind broken knowledge holes Triple-double cock the barrel of my metal heart and scratch violet The …
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  3. Wisdom, and other whole grain substitutes

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    August 29, 2015 by Dr. Geyser

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    I follow everyone so that I do not have to lead. Based upon the popularity of social media, I assume that this must be a universal truth. Perhaps even a new law of physics: “Follow the leader.”

    The distinction between gravity and gravitas is surely worth exploring. May the reader/writer/fellow plagiarizer be inspired to link to the source of their inspiration – ME.

    In past ages, it was unpopular to be popular. It is difficult to determine whether the converse was also true. When it becomes popular to be unpopular, the tyranny of the majority becomes manifesto-ish in its contradictions. The Tea Party is a major minority, and the buzz was only ever about the dysfunctional polarities supported by our deepest of reds.

    Popularity is always a touchy subject, primarily because in breaching the aural façade of democratic gossips, one always risks landing on all fours in the confessional of a present or future pope.

    On time. Time travel is what you make of it. In the soft hands of every bishop, cardinal, and lowly priest, the future pope awaits the turning of the animus ultramundi. Perhaps the time travel is only possible in the hyperadaptive states of the human imagination, and then only in those manifestly deranged individuals who elevate themselves out of the ordinary elements of space and time which so perversely impinge upon our normative 40-hour work weeks.

    I am no economist, but it would seem that other human beings are the greatest drag upon our economy. To argue otherwise requires a profound belief in the absence of slavery, one which I can neither entertain nor desire abstractly. Some people wish to serve, and some wish to lead. More to the point, nearly everyone wishes to serve at some point in their life, while at some later time, they will undoubtedly wish to lead. Those who mould themselves into the cardboard cutouts used to determine the precise shape of future leaders are missing the essential meaning of this common institutional practice. Real leaders serve as the prototype for those who are uncomfortable with the existing shape of things.

    George Kubler’s The Shape of Time. A superficially literal reading of this work might suggest that its implications are limited to the realms of art and art history. Most people assume that art and science can be separated by the mathematical rigor of the latter, and the crapulent paint-sloshing of the former. Yet physicists must represent before others the same sort of surreal, cubist and chromodynamic phenomena stuck in their imagination as any Kandinsky or Picasso. Furthermore, it seems that Heisenberg had a taste for cubist art.

    Physicists in a box. Schödinger’s cat. Inertial reference frames. Einstein’s visually intuitive appreciation of mathematics. By freeing up space, the painterly tradition allowed time to advance for physicists. The next wave of discovery in physics will demand space within existing equations for the artist, the culture, and all of the errors which non-scientific paradigms so graciously permit.